also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
