We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
