just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
