STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
