Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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