That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
