You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
