She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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