The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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