Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
