My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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