Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
