Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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