She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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