he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
