I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
