She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
