Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
