I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
