Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
