We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
