He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i think i just lost a toe
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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