My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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