I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
