I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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