Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
