ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
