Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
