I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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