better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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