High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
