I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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