goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
