Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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