the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
