i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
