break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
