I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
