Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
