That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
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Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His nipple licking is glorious
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