i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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