I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
