operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
last night I used snow as a chaser
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