So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
