i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
