i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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