I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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