everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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