Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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