Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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