i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
