I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
