I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
