so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
