I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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