hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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