So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
